The Dating Game: Final Fantasy Style
by ObsessiveCompulsiveValkyrie
Summary: Complete randomness in the form of a game show. Hosted by your two not-so-favorite, red-cloaked idiots, The Dating Game takes on... Well, read and find out. Expect many different unintentional pairings.
1. Chapter 1

Hello! This is the latest piece of you-know-what from the offices of OCV. Let me warn you. This fic was created using three lists from Microsoft Excel and a random number generator. Complete randomness.

Disclaimer 1: I do not own any Final Fantasy or the Dating Game

Disclaimer 2: If you have your heart set on any specific pairing and do not like the thought of them being with anyone else, don't read this. And do keep in mind, I did all this completely by random. And the results will be calculated by votes (Hint, hint)…

**Episode 1**

A red-cloaked figure turned to face the camera, microphone in hand, and shouted, "Welcome, folks, to The Dating Game! I'm your co-host, Gogo! Aaand… Heeere's your host… Gilgamesh!"

A bright white flash arched through the stage and slowly tore open. A tall man in a thick red cloak walked out, microphone in one of eight arms, and spoke, "Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen, to your doom!" Gogo leaned over to Gilgamesh and whispered something in his ear. The taller man looked up, a look of slight understanding in his eyes and nodded slowly, "Ohh… Oh, well. Close enough."

The genderless one held the mic to its lips and spoke with an enthusiastic tone, "Let's welcome today's contestant, a young lady hailing from the metropolitan capital of Galbadia, Deling City, put your hands together for… Miss Rinoa Heartilly!"

A young woman with black hair streaked with brown came running out from backstage, waving her hands high over her head. She stopped beside the two red-cloaked freaks, a huge smile on her face, "Hi, Gogo!"

Gilgamesh pointed a finger at himself and asked in a small voice, "What about me?"

"Hello, Rinoa. Tell me a little about yourself," Gogo tipped the microphone towards her.

"Well, like you said, I'm from Deling City… I'm seventeen, five-foot-three, and I ran away from home as a teenager to rebel against my father by joining a resistance faction fighting against everything he stands for." She waved towards the camera and blew kisses from both hands, "Hi, Zone! Hi, Watts! Hi, Angelo!"

"Very good. Now… Care to tell us a little about your taste in men?"

"I _love_ men in uniform! I want a man who'd be willing to sacrifice his very soul for me. I can't say I like booksmart guys too much…I guess it's okay as long as they don't preach to me."

"I see. Now then! Let the games begin!" A light lit up a blue door with a red '1' written on it, then moved to a red door with a yellow '2' and then a yellow door with a blue '3.' "Oh…" Gogo added as an afterthought, "Each booth is equipped with a voice modulator to make every voice behind those doors sound the same and to remove any speech quirks." It wiggled its eyebrows. "Okay! Rinoa, you know the rules?"

"Um… Not really…"

Gilgamesh jumped up, all eight hands on his hips, "Alright, you get three questions to try to decide which one of those men behind those doors is right for you. Ask carefully…"

"Okay!"

He flourished his cape dramatically, "Let's begin! Question one!"

Gogo held its microphone over to Rinoa, "Um… Do you like the sciences?"

Door number one replied, "Oh, yes! I am absolutely _fascinated_ by astronomy!"

Door number two shouted a little louder than necessary, "What are these 'sciences' that you speak of?"

Door number three gave a low hum as if thinking, "I think I would prefer Magicks to sciences…"

"Okay…" she nodded slowly, "What's your weapon of choice?"

"The ancient Magicks of the *Err!*"

"Oops…" Gilgamesh looked up innocently, "Sorry. I was playing with my new airhorn."

Door number two gave an uncomfortable cough, "I like a sword that divides into multiple pieces."

Door number three mused, "As I said, I choose Magicks before any blade."

"Okaaay…" Rinoa bit her lip at her choices so far. She clapped her hands together, "Okay! I know the perfect question! Have you… ever been in a relationship before?"

Door number one chuckled softly, "I have not."

Door number two shouted, "What sort of worthless dribble is that!?"

Door number three replied slowly, "No. My study of the Magicks has kept me otherwise occupied."

Rinoa scratched her head, "Huh…"

Gilgamesh turned to the audience, "Now then, folks! Now is your chance to offer your support to Rinoa's decision! Give your opinion! Who do you think is the perfect match for her!?"

---------------------

That was a lot shorter than most of my work… I mean, a LOT shorter… But I digress. Gilgamesh meant what he said! Give your opinion! I'm accepting votes by means of review ONLY. Just so everyone can see and know I didn't cheat.

Oh… In case you were wondering… two of my lists were guys and girls… the other was a bunch of generic questions I came up with. If you have any ideas to add, gimme a buzz!

-OCV


	2. Chapter 2

Just so y'all know, since there was a tie in the votes, I used a random-number generator to decide the victor. I still feel sorry for her… as well as our next contestant…

Disclaimer 1: I do not own any Final Fantasy or the Dating Game

Disclaimer 2: If you have your heart set on any specific pairing and do not like the thought of them being with anyone else, don't read this. And do keep in mind, I did all this completely by random. And the results will be calculated by votes (Hint, hint)…

**Episode 2**

"Alright!" Gogo addressed the crowd, "Here we are, back with Rinoa Heartilly! The time is nigh to discover which door she has chosen! Will it door number one, with the astronomy-loving magician; door number two, with our sword-wielding idiot, or-"

A shout could be heard from behind the second door, "Hey!"

"Ahem. Or door number three, with a, uh, Magicks-obsessed freak?"

Rinoa bit her fingernail, listening to the chants of the live audience, "I'll… take… door number…"

Gogo and Gilgamesh leaned closer, waiting for her reply.

"Two!"

Gilgamesh flourished his cape, "Before revealing who your date is, we will first make you suffer by revealing the other two first!"

Rinoa slapped a hand to her forehead, and let out a groan, "Ohh…"

Gogo stepped forward, "Behind door number one is…"

The door opened to show an old man with grey hair and beard reaching the floor.

"The great Lunarian Sage, Fu So Ya!"

Rinoa fell back with a sigh, "Oh, thank Hyne!"

Gilgamesh jumped forward, "And! Behind door number three is…"

The yellow door slid open to reveal a man dressed in white robes and a cloth hiding the lower half of his face from sight.

"The White Wizard of Mysidia, Minwu!"

Rinoa shrugged, "He wouldn't have been so bad… If I could see his face…"

Gogo spoke into its mic, "And… the man you chose is…"

The second door opened to show a tall man with an excessive amount of armor.

Gogo and Gilgamesh shouted together, "Garland!"

"Huh?" Rinoa cocked her head and held a finger to her lips. "I wasn't expecting that… Oh, well. He's gotta be better than that stupid workaholic…"

The armored man took a step towards Rinoa and shouted, "I, Garland, will knock you off your feet!"

Gilgamesh leaned over, "Isn't it supposed to be, 'I, Garland, will knock you down'?"

Gogo shrugged, "Okay, kiddies, go have fun on your date. Shoo, shoo." It waved its hands to usher them off the stage. "Now then! While the doors are being filled with our next contestants, let's check the fan mail bag!" It dug in its robe and withdrew a letter, "Ghost Writer no. 3, writes: 'Judging by Rinoa's taste…' Blah, blah, blah… Oh! Here at the end, they wrote: 'BTW, awesome, Gogo is there.'" It looked up, "Well, dear viewer, there's an interesting reason behind that. Before the show started, my friends and I were traveling the world on the Falcon, and they all started receiving letters, asking them to join the show. Even the moogle and the yeti! Three weeks after the last of them got their letters, Locke suggested that maybe I didn't get one because I don't have a clear gender… Due to Edgar's brilliant idea, I decided to audition for host, and, well, here I am!"

Gilgamesh leaned down and tapped it on the shoulder with one of eight arms, "I think they're ready…"

Gogo threw the letter over its shoulder, "Let the games begin! Again."

Gilgamesh shouted into the microphone, "Today's contestant is… some… guy I know nothing about!"

A smoke cloud poofed on the stage and a man clad in tight black clothes with a mask hiding his face appeared. Gogo's eyes widened, "Shadow? Aren't you-?"

Shadow put a finger to his lips, "Shh… We don't want to give spoilers, now do we?"

"Oh, fine. Tell us a little about yourself."

"I am an assassin. I give my loyalty to none. Oh, and I have a kick-** dog."

"Sorry about the censor… This is rated K+… Anyway, start your questions whenever."

"Fine." He turned to the doors, "Have you ever killed a human?"

Door number one replied, "Not in canon…"

Door number two shouted, "Same here!"

Door number three spoke, "Ditto!"

"Do you like animals? There is the concern of Interceptor…"

"Hm… I haven't really had any experience with them… Unless you count two evil children…"

"Oh, yeah! I love dogs! They're just so cute!"

"Hm… Do moogles count? If they do, then I can't live without 'em!"

"Are you religious?"

"I follow my people's rites without question. Some might say that is a form of religion."

"Nope!"

"Huh… I guess I have to agree with number one."

Shadow paused, "Very well, then. I shall ponder this until the next episode."

Gilgamesh jumped up, "What a boring pile of… Ahem! Now you can vote for Shadow's lady! Think carefully… You only get one vote!"

* * *

Okay! If you know who Shadow is, cast your vote! If you don't, cast your vote anyway! It's always fun to see who the silent ninja gets paired up with… Hope you enjoyed episode two! And special thanks to... **Master of Catdoken, Golbeza Girl, Ghost Writer no. 3, the power of the Panda!!!!!!!!, gingerbreadbear** for reviewing!

-Valk


End file.
